The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
By:
Stephanie Coontz
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Description:
The Way We Never Were examines two centuries of American family life and shatters a series of myths and half-truths that burden modern families. Placing current family dilemmas in the context of far-reaching economic, political, and demographic changes, Coontz sheds new light on such contemporary concerns as parenting, privacy, love, the division of labor along gender lines, the black family, feminism, and sexual practice.
Description:
Did you ever wonder about the historical accuracy of those "traditional family values" touted in the heated arguments that insist our cultural ills can be remedied by their return? Of course, myth is rooted in fact, and certain phenomena of the 1950s generated the Ozzie and Harriet icon. The decade proved profamily--the birthrate rose dramatically; social problems that nag--gangs, drugs, violence--weren't even on the horizon. Affluence had become almost a right; the middle class was growing. "In fact," writes Coontz, "the 'traditional' family of the 1950s was a qualitatively new phenomenon. At the end of the 1940s, all the trends characterizing the rest of the twentieth century suddenly reversed themselves." This clear-eyed, bracing, and exhaustively researched study of American families and the nostalgia trap proves--beyond the shadow of a doubt--that Leave It to Beaver was not a documentary. Gender, too, is always on Coontz's mind. In the third chapter ("My Mother Was a Saint"), she offers an analysis of the contradictions and chasms inherent in the "traditional" division of labor. She reveals, next, how rarely the family exhibited economic and emotional self-reliance, suggesting that the shift from community to nuclear family was not healthy. Coontz combines a clear prose style with bold assertions, backed up by an astonishing fleet of researched, myth-skewing facts. The 88 pages of endnotes dramatize both her commitment to and deep knowledge of the subject. Brilliant, beautifully organized, iconoclastic, and (relentlessly) informative The Way We Never Were breathes fresh air into a too often suffocatingly "hot" and agenda-sullied subject. In the penultimate chapter, for example, a crisp reframing of the myth of black-family collapse leads to a reinterpretation of the "family crisis" in general, putting it in the larger context of social, economic, and political ills. The book began in response to the urgent questions about the family crisis posed her by nonacademic audiences. Attempting neither to defend "tradition" in the era of family collapse, nor to liberate society from its constraints, Coontz instead cuts through the kind of sentimental, ahistorical thinking that has created unrealistic expectations of the ideal family. "I show how these myths distort the diverse experiences of other groups in America," Coontz writes, "and argue that they don't even describe most white, middle-class families accurately." The bold truth of history after all is that "there is no one family form that has ever protected people from poverty or social disruption, and no traditional arrangement that provides a workable model for how we might organize family relations in the modern world." Some of America's most precious myths are not only precarious, but down right perverted, and we would be fools to ignore Stephanie Coontz's clarion call. --Hollis Giammatteo
Publisher: Basic Books
Customer Review: 3 out of 5
A bit biased - I have just finished reading this book. Throughout the entire reading, I often felt that the author was taking her point too far to the left. And I'm a liberal democrat! I believe 100% in the rights of women to work... but I also believe that same right applies to those who wish to stay at home with their children.
The author seems to downplay the importance, and the value, in staying home with children. While she is correct in the assertion that our nostalgia for bygone days clouds our vision of the truth, there is something to be said for taking responsibility.
In the author's call for more social action and responsibility, there seems an underlying hint that the problems in the American family come from without rather than within. I disagree with this completely and think that we should stop blaming the media, the schools, our neighbors, the government, and our children's social group for the ills within our own homes. While it is an honorable endeavor, helping society clean up it's act, we must first start in the home. We must first start with ourselves, and with our children, before we can have any hope of helping someone else.
Overall a good read, but this author is a product of her generation and her writing should be viewed as such.
34
Liberal
Military Spouse
Homeschooling Mom
Customer Review: 5 out of 5
Life was never perfect in any era - The tendency of people to look back on their past and see only the good and not the bad is all too evident in the agendas of conservatives and so-called advocates of so-called traditional families.
Those of us who lived through the perfect era when dads worked, moms vaccuumed in pearls and kids have perfect lives behind white picket fences remember it far differently.
We remember when domestic violence was considered a "private family matter" and battered women had no escape except a casket. We remember the days before Rape Crisis Centers, and when the law required the victim to first prove herself innocent at her accuser's trial. We remember women who gritted their teeth and stayed in bad marriages until their children were grown because they knew they'd have no property rights in the divorce. We remember the days before Title 9, when the boys got the gym and the girls got the cafeteria. We remember the girls who were sent away for the summer to an aunt, a euphemism for an unwed mother's home. (Check out Ms. Fessler's "The Girls Who Went Away" for more on this) and the women who could only quit their jobs while their sexual harasser was free to move on to his next victim.
There was no perfect era, there was no perfect home, there was no perfect family. Time we realized it, and stopped looking for an easy fix to real problems.
Customer Review: 4 out of 5
What you think you know may be wrong - This book provides exhaustively documented evidence that our cultural myths, such as the idealized nuclear family of the 50's, were not typical of American history after all, and that some of today's problems are not new. It's slow going for most readers (unless you majored in sociology). It made me look again at my own memories of earlier times of my life. The end notes would be helpful to scholars in American history, sociology or even social work.
Customer Review: 5 out of 5
Suberb and important work- Gets a grip on the reality of the American Family - Coonz dissects piece by piece the ideal of the "normal" family and lifestyle that neoconservatives frequently point to, as a solution to society's ills. Coonz's research is meticulous, and this book is a potent antidote to the fallacy that too often guides policy making in Washington and statehouses across the nation. i.e. that only the reestablishment of the "normal" traditional nuclear family is the path to our salvation. A+
Customer Review: 1 out of 5
Some interesting tidbits, but not worth the time to read fully - The first thing I did when I got this book was to look up what the author had to say about the Moynihan Report (thinking that based on the subject of the book the author would have many interesting criticisms). Alas, all that existed was a few sentence dismissal. After that I couldn't take the book very seriously and just jumped around to various things that I found interesting. Some things were interesting, others were foolish.
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