Smart Stepmom, The: Practical Steps to Help You Thrive
By:
Ron L. Deal Laura Petherbridge
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List Price: $13.99
Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5
Description:
The stepmother's role often is ambiguous and under appreciated, and frequently it carries unrealistic expectations. This book answers women's concerns and questions, including: How can I be a caretaker and a key emotional connector in the family if the children don't accept my influence? How should I cope with children who are confused about their family and torn between loyalty to their biological mother and me? When should I step back in conflicts and when should I insist that my husband stand up for me? In addition it addresses the spiritual and emotional climate of the home, providing perspective and guidelines to help stepmothers and their families thrive.
Publisher: Bethany House
Customer Review: 4 out of 5
Smart Stepmom - The Smart Stepmom book was very enlightening. I prefered the prayers to recite at the end of the chapters and the scriptures noted as well. Very good book for any one to read if interested in understanding what it is like to be a step mom.
Customer Review: 2 out of 5
Christian Rhetoric - Although the authors make it clear that one doesn't have to be a Christian to use this book, one probably has to be a Christian to not be really irritated by it. The prayers and over rhetoric are ubiquitous and grating and make it difficult to get to the practical bits of the book. Efforts to skip over them are rewarded by more on every page. The Kindle sample does not contain any of the prayer sections or too many Jesus bits. If the sample had been like the rest of the book, I wouldn't have bothered and I'm Jewish and believe in G-d. If I were a non-believer, this book would have driven me mad.
Customer Review: 4 out of 5
Good insight! - This guide provides insight in how to step back and evaluate the family situation BEFORE you actually step in. I appreciate how the author's don't sugar coat anything, reiterating time and again that the step-role takes time to work out and work through. There are no false expectations of a quick happily ever after. Moreso, the authors emphasize that the step's role might go unappreciated for a long time; so be ready to deal with it.
Customer Review: 5 out of 5
Stepmoms will be energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren - Ron L. Deal, founder of "Successful Stepfamilies" and licensed marriage and family therapist, has teamed up with Laura Petherbridge, author of WHEN "I DO" BECOMES "I DON'T," to develop a comprehensive source of practical insights and step-by-step encouragements for stepmoms. Unlike the stereotypical fairy tale portrayal of the wicked stepmother character, Deal and Petherbridge explain that, in the majority of households, nothing could be further from the truth. The vast majority of stepmoms desire nothing more than to take part in creating a successful marriage and passing on a legacy of loving support to their stepchildren. The glitch, however, is how to move from desire to realization. For most stepmoms, the journey is anything but easy and, as many admit, can be the hardest task for a person to undertake.
The authors realize how difficult this role of "stepmom" can be, and Petherbridge speaks from firsthand experience as she offers her own personal remembrances of being stepmom to her husband's sons. She cites that stepmoms (like every living person) bring to the new marriage their own past experiences, insights and limitations, which must be recognized and acknowledged, otherwise injured feelings and short-circuit relational growth will occur between everyone in the family.
Deal and Petherbridge offer readers (which should include stepmoms, stepdads and every person in the original family unit) great insight and countless practical suggestions for working through every conceivable family dilemma. In the two-section text, stepmoms will gratefully learn that they are not alone in feeling that sudden urge to "run away from home," and that feeling like an "outsider" within the walls of their home is also a common response. Smart stepmoms will learn how valuable it is to understand their spouse's kids, be it the children's loss, grief, or other troubling emotions. Proactive stepmoms will seek to further empathize with stepchildren's expressions of loyalty to their mothers and find ways to help their husbands to parent in an engaged manner.
Stepmoms will likewise be eager to pass along this material to their husbands, where both sexes learn how to team up to make a strong and dynamic bond that will filter down into the lives of their children. In two chapters, Deal and Petherbridge focus specifically on educating dads on the challenges their new wives face as stepmoms and how their words, choices and actions impact the kids and their marriage.
Lest readers forget, ex-wives continue to play a significant role in the stepmoms' lives and will always do so (the authors even explain how this is true when the first wife is now deceased but her memory lives on). What happens during holiday, vacations and the ominous Mother's Day? Read on to discover the most effective and kindest avenues for making, creating and establishing new traditions that will warm everyone's hearts. It is hard to imagine a more extensive resource material on this challenging topic of entering into and living out the role of stepmom. Excellent from start to finish, stepmoms (and those who love them) will be comforted, encouraged and energized to stay at the task of rearing, loving and accepting their stepchildren.
--- Reviewed by Michele Howe
Customer Review: 5 out of 5
Best I've read... - Despite an at times almost overwhelmingly Christian approach, in terms of practical strategies, a useful overall perspective on stepmotherdom and fantastic insight into the step experience for both kids and stepmums, I found this book to be the single most useful stepparenting guide I've read.
I'm a secular humanist with little time for dogma in any form, so Christian family how-to guides are not at all my thing, but sifting through this book for the "meat" and ignoring the end of chapter prayers and recurrent church/Biblical references was really, really worthwhile.
Interestingly, I certainly would not have bought this book had I realised just how central Christianity was to its ethos, and yet I'm very, very glad I did. Nothing about the Christianity espoused in it was offensive to my feminist secular views - and while the prayers etc where a bit OTT, the insights, especially into kids' experience of divorce, were quite profound.
I feel I'm already stepparenting better for having read this book. Now I just need to get my (fanatically atheistic) partner to read it too...
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