101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last

By: Linda Bloom   Charlie Bloom  

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Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Publisher: New World Library

Customer Review: 1 out of 5
Fluffy and lacking incisive insight - A lot of feel-good language, but little concrete ideas on how to keep your marriage strong. I guess when I saw "101 Things" I expected a clear, insightful and eye-opening book. Nope.

Customer Review: 2 out of 5
If You're Clueless, You'll Find It Useful - If you're clueless, you'll find it useful, but if you're clueless, you should NOT get married anyway!

First of all, the fact that Charlie and Linda Bloom put their names with hers first on the cover (Linda and Charlie Bloom) made me rather nauseous. Yes, sure, put the woman first. I'd probably do the same. But that's a clue to the borderline-New Agey schlock that fills this book. For example, I don't particularly like the word "nurture," (I'm from Boulder, Colorado, which is FILLED with New Agers) so that put me off, as it's peppered throughout the pages. They also live in Northern California. Shocker. I bet you a million dollars that they're ex-hippies. I just like to know where an author is coming from, and I could tell right away.

Strangely, I started getting the feeling that Charlie was seriously cowed (whipped) by his wife. He seems to be one of those men who think that being sensitive to the needs of your wife means deferring to them in nearly every instance (like putting their name before yours everywhere). Great, he got over his huge ego. Fine. I applaud that 100%. But come on, Charlie, NOT ALL women want to be married to Alan Alda-like feminists. Not only that, but I don't know ANY woman who deep down wants to be married to a pushover. Women want to be married to MEN, their complement, not their identical TWIN, and the same goes in reverse. In fact, most women seem outwardly or at least secretly happy with more traditional marriages, and know that the "modern way" is an abject failure for both genders. You can respect and adore your wife without becoming feeble and emasculated.

Furthermore, nearly all of the book seems to be written by Charlie, who apparently is telling us how awful he was and how he's been reformed. Both women and men can be complete boneheads in relationships, but it seems like the whole book is Charlie's mea culpa. I didn't see much in there from Linda, spilling her guts and admitting her weaknesses. And if Charlie did most of the writing, why did he put his wife's name first? Is that chivalrous, or just spineless?

Generally, if you're more traditionally minded, the tone of the book will grate on you, and the word choice is unnecessarily gooey. Advice books should be written in a VERY direct style, with no mushy, New Agey nonsense polluting them. Just get to the damn point and say the damn words to express your damn self. That's all you need to do. Too bad that every "traditional" relationship book is based on Christianity. Not all traditionalists are Christians, FYI.

This book is an average read, and can certainly be helpful for people who aren't very smart about life in general; that is, nearly every "lesson" in this book is just based on well-known conventional wisdom that most people can recite to you at the drop of a hat.

For example, advice such as "Don't Neglect Your Friends Just Because You've Acquired a Spouse," is so obvious that nearly every pop-psychology-addled Oprah watcher knows it. I don't need a book to tell me what I know already. Hell, even high-school students know that you need to have your friends as well as a significant other. Or how about this: "The Sparkle of a New Relationship Is Always Temporary." This is BASIC, Relationship 101 stuff than anyone with enough life experience to GET married in the first place should already KNOW. It's fluff like that that makes up the bulk of this book.

There are some good reminders in the book, such as "Don't Say Anything ABOUT Your Partner That You're Not Willing to Say TO Them," but most of the lessons are just plain obvious. That is, unless you live under a rock and don't live an examined life, or are just plain naive.

Overall, I'd say that if you don't explicitly, implicitly, or intuitively know the basics of every idea in this book BEFORE reading this book, you need to get out and date some more and learn more lessons through first-hand experience before you get married. That is, this book would be sincerely GREAT for a high school student or a shut-in, or a spinster--anyone with little life/relationship experience. I would have loved a book like this when I was 16 years old, and just starting to date. It would have applied to me even in a dating situation, and would have been helpful. But eons later, after many relationships, I've learned the lessons the hard way. There were no real eye-openers for me in this whole book, but for some there might be, and that's fine. It's just for relationship beginners and/or those who aren't very self-examined.

Customer Review: 4 out of 5
Don't Believe Everything You Hear - A nicely written book which I do not think anyone who feels they are deeply in love will pay any attention to at all, even though they should. Mose women are so indocumented into the Cinderella story and so ran by their hormones that they would may read it but would not take it to hear.

Customer Review: 5 out of 5
a good read for anyone, at any stage of relationship or not in relationship at all - This book is full of short, food for thought, stories that you as a reader can say, "I've been there." It doesn't tell you how to solve the problem you might have but instead, gives light to thinking process. Such as "Your greatest weakness become your greatest strength." If it is not you, then you know someone who fits this... so I asked myself... did I help or hinder? It was nice to read from a 3rd person point of view. Bought one for each of my kids, they all like it. They say the title is wrong.. should be "101 things I read before dating, arguing with parent, going to work, getting out of bed or loving my self. A great book!

Customer Review: 5 out of 5
A must read for anyone unhappy in thier relationship - I discovered this book while listening to the authors discuss it on a podcast from stayhappilymarried.com, and thought I'd check it out. I don't normally rave about these kinds of books. Having read many I usually find something that just doesn't seem right, or is asking for more than I think is relevant. Fixing a marriage is not something you can read, it is something you do. But this book is (and was for me) the eye opener. There are no exercises, no gender bias or even expectations. It's just a reference guide with page after page of good information. Just that. Information. The difference though is just how easily you can relate to everything written. Perhaps everything is a little bit of an exaggeration, but you will be surprised at just how much you can see yourself in or relate to, many of the 101 items. Sometimes even in the chapter title alone. This applies for either the Husband or Wife.

Admittedly some of the examples or elaborations of the point being made are worse case or farfetched (though genuine) to your own situations. But you can easily see the relevance in your own way because of the clarity of description. And that really is the point. Read this together to start a conversation. Read it alone and start to understand a relationship's dynamics. But I have to recommend that you read it AND take action. I found myself compelled to do so, without any suggestion or direction from the book itself. As I said, an eye-opener. Good luck, I hope others can benefit from this book as I have.

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